One of my biggest challenges in becoming a shaman has been dealing with all the anger I have stored up inside myself. It’s funny how I see anger in such a different way than I used to. Everytime I become angry, the first thing I do is think “hmmm… now why did that happen?”
It happened to me the other night. I was talking to a friend of mine and she told me that she would be back… she had to give guidance to someone. I suddenly became very angry. The first thing I noticed, though, was that the anger was not directed toward her. I just couldn’t pinpoint where it had come from… it’s not characteristic of me to be demanding of other people’s time.
Today, after a healing circle, I was talking to the guy who leads the circle. I told him about what had happened the other night and asked him if he knew why I had become angry like that. He told me that it was one of those things I needed to figure out on my own and that I would figure it out very soon.
Then we started talking about my writing. He told me I should keep a journal about every time I become angry so that I could start seeing the patterns… find a path to the anger. I started telling him about my book that I’m writing… and the difficulties I’ve been having lately. I want the energy I put into this book to be positive… I want people to feel inspired by my words… not feel sorry for me. Yet everytime I write I feel as though I’m whining about my miseries in life and I become discouraged.
He told me that when I start writing about these things, I should start focusing on the lessons I’ve gained from these experiences rather than the misery it has caused… that will focus the positive energy in my words. This made sense to me so I thanked him and was about to end the conversation when he asked me what had made me angry that night.
Well, I reminded him that I didn’t know and then he told me that I should because we had just discussed it. Took me a minute to figure it out, but then I realized it had to do with the difficulty I was having with my book. Then I remembered when I had first started talking to my friend, I told her that I had wanted to work on my book that evening, but I wasn’t in the mood. I wasn’t feeling inspired. So instead I started talking to her.
But when she left, I became angry… not at her, but because I no longer had an excuse to procrastinate. The only thing left before me was the work I should have been doing on my book, but I didn’t want to do that because of the difficulties it had been causing.
Once I realized this, I felt so much better. Not only had I followed the path to the true source of my anger, but with a friend’s help, I discovered how I can overcome my blocks.
Next time you become angry with someone or something… try to see if you can find the path of anger in yourself.